he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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