I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
