What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
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