He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
