Will you blow on my dice?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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