I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
