at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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