coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
