Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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