Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
