When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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