just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
