im drinking this country out of the recession.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
