I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
