K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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