I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
