I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
