Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
