I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
