I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
