your parents love me but you hate me
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
