I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
