I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
