Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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