Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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