I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
