Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
