The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize