We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
