I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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