I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
