oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
