Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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