I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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