He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
