I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
