I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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