Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
