My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
