Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
