So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
