I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize