Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
