the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize