bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
never play flip cup with pint glasses
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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