hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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