Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize