i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
