My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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