Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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