I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
