Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
