Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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