I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
