At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
