my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
