The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
