i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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