she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
