thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
