So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
we should paint friendship bongs
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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