Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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