just survived the first fart of the relationship.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
