Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
