So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She needs sedatives and a leash
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
