I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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