I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
