white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
