Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
