I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
