right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
