I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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