i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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