I wanna bring you to show and tell
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
