he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
