Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
