You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
