So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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