Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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