I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
