In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
