You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
