my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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