dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
