Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
