I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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