So drunk its hurt
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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