I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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