I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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