A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
