Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
