tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
What changed your mind?
Being sober
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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