the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize